I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
