if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
