hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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