I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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