I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
