Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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