I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
