He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
