Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
