you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
