at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
