Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
