someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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