If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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