At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
