he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I only lived at night.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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