The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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