I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
