No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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