Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
