he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
