he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
