Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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