Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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