I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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