just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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