And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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