proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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