you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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