Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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