i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
