I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
