so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
