I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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