I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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