im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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