shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
