thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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