so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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