my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
