After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
