batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
