Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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