Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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