there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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