bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
