nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
