I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
