Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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