I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
