All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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