its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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