If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
