a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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