Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize