I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
