One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
