he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
