It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
