I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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