So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
