he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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