so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
