Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
