Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
