While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
