I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
